dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
