I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Randomize
