He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
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