I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
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