jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Randomize
