When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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