I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
