someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
my poor anus
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
