dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Randomize
