my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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