i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
he thought i was a dude.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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