I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Randomize
