When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
