Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
