my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I could fuck to npr.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
