She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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