He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
