I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
