this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I believe in your delicious
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
