You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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