Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Randomize
