She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
