i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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