The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
you would pick up someone in the library
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
