You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
