Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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