one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
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