I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
