I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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