i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
