No more Irish car bombs ever.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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