an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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