Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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