it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
