I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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