I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
