a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
