We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
