You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
We have started to decorate penises.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
