last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
