using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
