So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
