im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
