He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
false alarm, still single
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize