So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
