I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
