I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
