So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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