I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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