I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize