your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
