Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
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