I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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