dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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