flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
