Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Randomize
