i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
How naked do you want me to be?
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