I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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