There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
