You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
