you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
