masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
MIDGETS
????
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Randomize
