you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
