so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize