no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
