I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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