kristin has been a bad kristin
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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