when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
