Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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