My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
