maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
