We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
