no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize