Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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