I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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