Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
operation have a gay friend backfired
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
