My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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