I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
