I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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