i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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